Cordova Chronicles: Just Who Has The Biggest Moose Of All? -The Cordova Times

Norway

Visualize these giant ungulates being the goalies when Norway squares off against Canada in 2022 in Beijing

Amidst all the news regarding government shutdowns and disagreements between the good old USA and just about every country on the planet, it was rather refreshing to read recent headlines about a dispute between Canada and Norway regarding moose, of all things.

“Norway says its moose statue is tallest. What a load of bull, Canada retorts”, was the lead for a Washington Post feature in its Jan. 31, 2018 edition.

Canada’s Mac the Moose, the Pride of Moose Jaw (of course), Saskatchewan, is still standing tall. But it appears his Norwegian rival, “Big Elk” (evidently moose aren’t moose in Norway), is claiming to be taller.

Both moose statues are very big. Mac is a regal 32-footer; the Norwegian “elk” soars 33 feet in the air. Being an ex-math teacher, I would say Norway is the winner; but based on the fact that facts are no longer facts in this country, who knows?

Rumor has it the Canadians are considering putting hockey skates on Mac’s hooves to make him taller; but they have yet to suggest he might suit up for their squad in the next Winter Olympics. Can’t you visualize these pair of giant ungulates being the goalies when Norway squares off against Canada in 2022 in Beijing?

Of course, the way things are going between China and the USA, maybe no Americans will be there to witness this showdown anyhow.

However, wouldn’t the Canadian Mac would have been a godsend during the recent partial government shutdown? Just imagine how much burger a 32-foot moose could provide for the 800,000 federal employees that were scrambling to put food on the table during their 35 day furlough?

But it gets better. Our President served Big Macs to the national college football champion Clemson team during their visit to the White House in the midst of the shutdown. Evidently the cooks were on furlough. A candle-lit table sagged under the weight of lukewarm burgers and soggy fries, while Abraham Lincoln (in portrait form) looked on in disbelief.

And Canada probably had Royal Mounties guarding their border in case of a Mac Attack from the south

It is certain the glittering reflective-steel Norwegian “elk” would have been less tasty than the Canadian Mac that late-night comedian Steven Colbert compared to a “paper Mache dog from an abandoned theme park”, which surely improved our relations with Canada; but hey, if we can insult our neighbors to the south, why not to the north, too?

I’m surprised Norway didn’t build their “elk” out of real silver. After all, they have an oil/gas permanent fund that just topped over one trillion dollars, which must have Alaska’s PFD hounds salivating and considering changing nationalities.

None-the-less, this moose debate did elicit a flashback to mellow days of last fall in the old duck blind. Copper River Delta moose, none of which have ever broke the 30-foot height, seem to have a time clock that clicks the bulls into action on Sept. 1, which also happens to be the first day of duck season.

This year’s opener was a bluebird day, and I confess to dozing off after two hours without a duck in sight, despite 40 decoys and three motorized splash ducks stirring up the pond.

In fact, it was splashing of a different sort that woke me up. Lo and behold, a rather nice bull came strolling across the pond to within 20 feet of my blind. It made my day – and was not paper Mache.